could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
