In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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