Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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