god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i out mim tonsoeep
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