Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
