Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
