His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
