I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
