3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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