your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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