i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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