It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
