I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
