My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
