Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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