dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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