so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
