DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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