I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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