peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
