I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
