i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
