I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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