I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My balls are so social today.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
