My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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