My hand turned me down
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize