No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
