Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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