I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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