Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
