So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
