i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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