you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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