Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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