i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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