Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
