I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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