Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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