you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
