Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
