Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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