I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
