I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
