it wasn't lemon gatorade
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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