Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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