My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I wear drunk well.
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