where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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