I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
