I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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