I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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