So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
