State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
wow bdsm is so cute
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
