I think I am morally bankrupt
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
