Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
