I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
