We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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