Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
