its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
