would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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