I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
