Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
