Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
