Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
