I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
