in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
