so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
