I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
