I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
