I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I met the friendliest cop last night
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
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