And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Randomize
