And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I love you. Go after that dick
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
