Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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