So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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