Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
