mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Everclear isn't food dammit
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
