Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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