I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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