could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
