I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
