so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
