look no pants
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
