There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
