a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
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