Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
