Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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