Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
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I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
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Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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