i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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