So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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