Your tits are I can't wait for
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
