so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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